A local authority has unveiled a new digital upgrade designed to make public services “more efficient and more respectful.” The centrepiece is a device known as the Smart Queue, a touchscreen unit that will only let residents access basic services after completing a constructive tone pledge.
Officials said the aim is to reduce “unproductive interactions” and to ensure requests arrive “in the right emotional format.” Residents attempting to report a pothole are first asked to confirm they are approaching the matter “in good faith.” Those trying to book an appointment are invited to rate their mood on a sliding scale between “reasonable” and “about to write a long email.”
The questionnaire begins with gentle prompts about patience and clarity. It then escalates into a short module about expectations. Users must accept that timelines are “aspirational,” that updates may be “interpretive,” and that any request for detail could be “a sign of unnecessary negativity.”
Once approved, the Smart Queue unlocks access for a ten-second window. If a resident hesitates, the screen displays a countdown labelled “accountability,” followed by the message: “Please proceed without overthinking.” Attempts to skip the quiz result in a polite refusal and a suggestion to “take a moment.”
Council staff denied the system is designed to block complaints. “We are not preventing anyone from being heard,” a spokesperson said. “We are simply making sure people are heard in a way that doesn’t create extra work.” The spokesperson added that the next update will include a premium option allowing residents to pre-register as “known calm,” reducing the quiz to a single question: “Still calm?”
Residents have responded with mixed feelings, which the council said it would be happy to receive once those feelings have been properly formatted.
The council confirmed it will review feedback in due course, starting with the feedback that arrives in the most helpful shape: brief, calm, and pre-sorted into a dropdown menu.
